


Midnight and Little Girls Blue-Grey

by Phantom_traveler



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Billy Hargrove & Eleven | Jane Hopper Friendship, Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Bonding, Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Have a Good Relationship, Billy Hargrove Lives, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Friendship, Eleven | Jane Hopper Needs A Hug, Good Parent Jim "Chief" Hopper, Harringrove, I think that's it - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jim "Chief" Hopper Adopts Eleven | Jane Hopper, M/M, Other, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve's neuroses, The Camaro - Freeform, Trauma, a shittone of music and lyrics I DO NOT OWN, cause honestly these deserve to be tagged as character, god knows I use them enough, oh oh, there, unecessary abundance of colour descriptions, up to season two I mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantom_traveler/pseuds/Phantom_traveler
Summary: She could feel it becoming louder. Not just the music. The pulse.They’re like me, she realized. It was like a- like a wave.Energy moving, moving with nowhere to let go, just circling around in a body buzzing with it.There was so much noise in their head.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Jim "Chief" Hopper, Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove & Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Billy Hargrove, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Jim "Chief" Hopper, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington & Jim "Chief" Hopper
Comments: 8
Kudos: 100





	Midnight and Little Girls Blue-Grey

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FlashMountain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlashMountain/gifts).



> Okay. So I just remembered how much fun writing is and exactly how much I am at the mercy of my thoughts. I said that I’m open to prompts in my previous story cause I love them and they help me construct my thoughts a little. Key word being a little. So the wonderful @awickedplacethisis gave me a prompt a I did....something with it. I honestly don’t know where this whole thing came from but that prompt was the general basis of the idea and here it is:
> 
> Hello! Just read “Words, Nerves and Cigarettes” and I am so gone for your writing, oh wow. I would love to see you write about Billy being soft(er) with the kids - maybe post season 3 - and Steve seeing it and realizing he’s kinda GONE for that boy. I love your writing so much, I’d probably die on the spot if you wrote this. :,)
> 
> Ask and ya shall receive!! You’re so sweet and your comment made me smile so here’s what I did with it. It got a little out of hand and went in a different direction than what I was expecting but still.
> 
> Enjoy!!

There was a whine coming from somewhere in the forest.

There was a woman, _yes,_ it _was,_ it was a woman’s voice, coming from somewhere in the woods.

Elev- _No-_ ** _Jane_** _, Jim said she could be_ ** _Jane_** _now,_ looked around the small living room of the cabin, until she spotted the little square, black, digital clock Jim had set next to the radio they used, to talk, when he was gone. 

##  **00:05**

_Midnight and five_

Twelve and zero five. Even though the clock said zero, zero. Mike said zero, zero meant twelve at night. Midnight. Zero, zero so you can start counting again.

_Oooh, wah, wah, ah, sit there, hmm, count_

There it was again. The woman was _ahing_ and, and _moaning_ , and breathing in _loudly_ now.

**00:05**

She wasn’t supposed to be up still. Jim said- 

_But Jim is_ ** _LATE_** _again_ , she thought angrily, eyebrows coming together, little mouth hardening, jaw setting.

_Aah, count your little fingers_

_My unhappy, oh little girl, little girl blue, yeah_

She stood up and went to the front door. She reached for the doorhandle and pushed it down slowly. It squeaked if you pushed too hard. She _hated_ squeaking. _Locks clicking, doors shutting, squeaking, squeaking, always squeaking, silver shiny door handles that-_

_Wah, oh, oh, oh, aaahhh little girl blue, yeah, yeah, yeahhh_

It was _music._ It came to her suddenly as she went out and stood on the porch. Lights out. She could usually hear the forest best at night. It was December again; but this year it hadn’t really snowed yet, so she could still hear the bugs and the foxes and the other little animals when they moved at night. Jim said they’d go hide soon. Hide from the cold.

“ _It’s gonna be raw this year._ ” Joyce had told her last time she came over to bring them food, cause Jim was working the, the _night shift_ , even though he was the _Chief._

There were, there were _guitars_ , yeah, that’s what those were, _guitars_ -like in Jim’s records- now, but the woman would still _ahhh-ing_ and _hmmm-ing_ along with them. 

_It’s a record. It- it must be a record_ , she thought. But who was playing it? The cabin was the only one in the woods. That’s why they stayed there, cause Jim said that noone would come look for them there unless they were **_theirs._**

So who could be playing it?

She looked out in the forest. The moon was whole and big in the sky and there were no clouds so she could see alright even though it was dark. 

She couldn’t see any lights and the music sounded like it was far.

It was loud. It was echoing all over the forest, sound travelling.

She looked back inside the cabin and bit her lip. She went back in and found the key Jim had made for her. It was hanging from the keychain Dustin had given her last time she saw him. It was brown leather - _like Jim’s jacket_ \- but it also had a thin blue-grey satin ribbon on it.

_Braided in_. Braids, like that other girl’s - _Max’s_ \- hair was last time.

It was a long chain. Long enough that she could wear it like a necklace around her neck. She put it on and grabbed her thick, woolen coat that Jim had bought her and went outside again. She put the coat on along with the little gloves that Joyce had given her. Both were blue-grey, like the satin ribbon in her key-chain.

She thinks it might be her favourite colour.

_Blue-grey._

Like Jim’s eyes that were a shining, glittering blue when he was laughing or singing and grey when he was annoyed. Like Nancy’s eyes -Mike’s sister- when she met her one time in late November when she came to pick Mike up from Will’s. _Blue-grey_ and _big_ , with _rose-gold shadow_ around them. _Pretty._ Prettier up close than they had been in the picture she had seen in Mike’s house back in the beginning.

_Blue-grey_

Like the forest around her because of the moonlight.

Jim said she wasn’t supposed to go out yet. And she wasn’t allowed to go out at night but Jim was late, so he was breaking the rules too. He might get mad if he found out but she didn’t care. He should have been on time. Noone will see her anyway, she’d be careful.

She moved through the forest quietly. Light on her feet and moving slowly as she let her mind open and tried to feel - _find_ \- where the music was coming from. The woman was still crooning softly

_It’s going to feel like those raindrops do_

_When they’re falling down, honey, all around you_

_Oh_ -

**_There!_ **

She could feel it pulsing, pulsing, _vibrating_ in the distance and it wasn’t all too far. It was coming from the road, where Jim would come from before he turned into the dirt-path between the trees that went to the cabin. It felt familiar. It was thrumming, thrumming, _drumming_ along with the woman who was now _screaming,_ _yelling_ , almost _sobbing_.

_Yeah, yeah, honey, little girl, my little girl blue._

Jim would call her that sometimes, if he wasn’t calling her _kid_. _Girly._

_Jesus, you’re just a little girl, what’s you glaring at me like that for?_

She wasn’t just a little girl. And the woman sounded sad. Sounded _tired_ , even though she was yelling louder than the guitars. She made her way through the forest, towards the road, staying near the trees and the bushes, staying low. She could feel it becoming louder. Not just the music. The _pulse_.

_They’re like me_ , she realized. It was like a- like a _wave_. Like the ripples the water made in the sink when they were washing the dishes and in the bottom of the shower when she pushed it with her feet towards the drain. Energy moving, moving with nowhere to let go, just circling around in a body buzzing with it. There was anger there too. Like her but...but not. It was _harsher_ , it felt more like..not _dangerous_ , cause she was dangerous too, more.... _explosive_. More _loud_ , concentrated, unsteadier than hers. And there was something bitter, something like _sad_ , but _guiltier_ , though she couldn’t tell what exactly. There was so much _noise_ in their head.

_Oh sit there_ -

She was getting real close, she could see the road now.

_Oh, oh, ohhh-_

She was at the edge of the forest now and she looked around until she saw it.

There was a car on the side of the road. The side where the forest gave way to the fields that were open and wide and silver now under the moon. Silver like the car almost. There was- there was _blue_ there too. It was _silver_ and _shiny_ where moonbeams hit it on the roof and the one side but midnight blue, dark like the night around them and the sky above where the light couldn’t reach.

_Blue-grey_...but _darker_.

She got closer.

_Honey, honey, honey, oohhhh you’ve got to do_

The lady was screeching now but...but her voice was so.. _free_. She was _loud_ and _vibrant_ and _yelling_ and _no one_ was there to stop her. Free, un... _unbound._

She got closer. Staying at the edges of the woods still. Letting the darkness of the tree branches cover her as she approached the car. She could see smoke now too. Travelling up, up, _up_ towards the sky, soft grey joining deep dark blue.

There was a man leaning against the hood of the car. No, not a man, a-a _boy_ , she realized as she got closer. Like Jonathan and-and Steve.

He was leaning back against the hood, legs clad in tight blue jeans spread on the ground in front of him, one heavy-looking boot planted firmly on the asphalt and the other crossed over it. He was wearing just a-just a sleeveless white undershirt, bright where the light hit it, and smoking like Jim.

_Isn’t he cold?_ she wondered as the chilly December wind blew around her, carrying with it the cold and the woman’s voice. She got closer to him and moved a little more to the side so she could see him better and-

She froze.

His hair was curly like hers but longer reaching his shoulders and, and it must be yellow in the day - _blond_ , her mind supplied- but, but _silver_ where the light hit it _now_ , and, and he looked strong. Like Jim but, but thinner, _sharper_. The side of his face that she could see was all angles. The moonlight was hitting him straight on, casting shadows across his cheek and neck and arms. He looked like one of the statues the boys had showed her in a book. Like he was made of that smooth rock - _marble_ -. Unmovable. Still...but _not._ He was _loud_. Louder than the music; she could feel him and it felt... _he_ felt _familiar_.

Before she knew it she was moving towards him, still hidden by the trees, when she stepped on a fallen tree-branch that seemed loud as a gunshot; Riverberating through the night even with the music on.

He must have heard her. His shoulders tensed but he didn’t turn around, just kept on smoking. He moved his head slightly in her direction, smoke coming out of his mouth and traveling up, obscuring his face. 

_Yes, yes, I know how you feel_

The music went on. She took in a breath and moved towards him. He didn’t look at her until she reached him. She could make out his eyes, even though he was staring off at the side.

_Blue-grey_ , she barely realized before he faced her dead on and she froze again.

_Pretty_.

It was the first and only thought in her head. And he was. His silver-golden curls framing his face, shadows and light playing with the colours. He’s taken the cigarette out of his mouth and his lips were blood red, the tops of his cheekbones too, where the bitting wind hit them. His eyelashes were long and silver, framing his blue-grey eyes.

_Blue-grey_ like _Jim’s_ eyes and _Nancy’s_ eyes and the silk ribbon braided in with leather on her neck.

“ A little late for you to be out here ain’t it, sweetheart?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her, tone cautious, guarded, voice smooth and deep in contrast to the high-pitched tones of the woman still singing.

She felt tongue-tied. Her already limited vocabulary failing her as she continued staring at him. 

“What’s a little girl like you, doing out here anyway?” he said. 

She blinked

“I, I, I, uh, I live here.” she stuttered out, swallowing reflexively.

“ Here in the forest?” he asked almost incredulously, lips ticking up, eyebrows climbing high.

“ In the-in the cabin.” she answered.

“ Ooh, right, _right_. In the cabin, in the woods, _of course._ ” he said around a smirk. “ And...are you alone? In your cabin I mean.” he motioned with his hand toward the forest, smoke from the cigarette he was holding painting the space between them gray.

“ No. I live with Jim.” she told him and realized she might have to elaborate on that. “ He takes care of me; but he’s at work.” she added.

“ Is Jim your dad then?” he asked again, moving his hand in a half-circle 

“ I’m, I’m adopted.” she answered.

“ _Aah_ ” he hummed and looked at her appraisingly. “ You got a name, sweetheart?” 

She took a breath before she answered him, reminding herself.

“ I’m Jane.” 

“ Well, Janeee” he dragged her name out, as he threw his half-finished cigarette on the ground, crushing it underneath his boot, before he extended an arm towards her, palm up. “ I’m Billy.”

She looked from his hand to his face before taking it in hers, his bigger one engulfing her smaller one. His hand was rough but surprisingly warm, considering his lack of clothing and the cold.

“ _Aren’tyoucold_?” the question slipped out, past her lips without her meaning to, but he didn’t look annoyed.

“ I run hot.” he told her with a smirk, pearly white teeth shinning. A second later the smirk sort of faded from his face, eyebrows coming together. “ You said, uhh, you said, your Jim’s working?” he asked her.

“ He’s late” she answered petulantly, while wrapping her arms around herself. His face softened a little as he looked at her, one corner of his mouth rising a bit.

“ What an asshole.” he said and she giggled “ But what’s that got to do with you being out here during the witching hours, Janie?” he said

“ Witching hours?” _she’d never heard that before_ , she thought, frowning, _what did that mean_ -

“ After midnight, before dawn. Just som’thin’ my ma used to say” he said and then he blinked, jerking his head a little like what he said surprised him; like he hadn’t meant to. His expression was turning kinda sad and closed and-

_Oh._

Oh, _she knew that_. She knew that hurt. 

“ _Iheardthemusic_.” she rushed out before he shut down on her.

“ _Aahh_ ” he cleared his throat. “ You like Joplin, sweetheart?” 

She hesitated a second before answering. 

_Did she like it?_ she thought back to the woman yelling and moaning.

“ She’s- she’s loud.” she said and he almost looked disappointed. “ But...but _free_ ” his eyes snapped up to meet hers a little wider, smile a little more...honest.

“ Yeah, yeah kid, you said it.” he gave her a smile. “ Most free and badass lady there ever was.” he said with certainty, nodding in her direction. 

He looked at his watch “ You got any clue what time your pops is comin’ home?” he asked looking back at her.

“ Soon.” she said hesitantly “ I think”

“ You wanna tell me how to get to that cabin of yours , I’ll take you back before he gets home” he offered, but all she could think was how the music was still playing loud and unrestrained; and the road and the forest and the fields were all an-an almost magic-like midnight blue and silver; and how he looked like those statues, _pretty_ , but also angry, _angry_ and _hurt_ and _like her_ , not-not like _Jim_ or the _boys_ and he didn’t look at her like she’d _explode_ or like she might _break_ , and Jim was _gone_ and it was _so_ quiet in the cabin where she was _all alone_ with the _squeaky, squeaky_ handles and the shut doors and windows _and_ -

“ _Canwewaithere?_ ” slipped past her lips and she had reached and grabbed his forearm and he was warm, _so warm_ , not like the _cabin_ or the _cold_ , **_he likes it cold_** -

“ Sure, kid” she snapped her eyes back to him. “ Why not? I got nowhere else to be.” he looked between her and the car lifting an eyebrow in question “ Wanna listen to some more music in the car?” he waited for her and when she nodded he made for the driver’s door. She followed and opened the passenger’s door, sliding onto the seat, after carefully lifting the leather jacket that was discarded there. He took it from her, as he passed her a shoebox.

“ You wanna pick?” he asked, gesturing at the box full of tapes in her lap. _Like Jim puts in the car radio,_ she realized. She looked from the box full of tapes, colourful, with blocky letters and symbols she didn’t recognize back to him and to the radio.

“ More...like _that_?” she requested in an uncertain voice.

He gave her a smile “ You got it.” he said and started going through the box until he settled on an untitled one, lifting it from the box and presenting it to her triumphantly.

“ You know mixtapes, Janie?” she shook her head no, “ Well,” he looked at her, eyes excited, his other hand gesturing all over. “ It’s tapes you can make yourself. You can put _anything_ you like on ‘em. So while here we got a little bit o’ Janin, there’s some other stuff too.” he explained while pushing it in.

He laid back on the seat, leather jacket bunched up across his thighs and legs spread in the cramped space under the wheel. She mimicked his pose and felt a small smile form on her lips as he smiled with his eyes closed, humming contentedly along with what must be the happiest beginning of a song ever. She felt her smile getting bigger as the-the piano - _like in Will’s living room_ \- gave way to a man’s happy voice.

_She comes in colours everywhere_

_She combs her hair_

_She’s like a rainbow._

She leaned back and closed her eyes too, content for a little while in the midnight-blue car, with the boy with the _blue-grey_ eyes who is like-like her a solid presence next to her, thinking of pretty rainbows.

_Oh honey go on and sit back down_

_I want you to count oh, oh count your fingers_

She came to, with the woman from before crooning softly this time along with the guitar. She realized Billy’s jacked was draped over her and Billy was shaking her softly awake.

“Hey, sweetheart.” he said in a low voice “ There’s headlights down the road, your pops must be back.”

She shook her head to try and clear it from the sleepy fog; she didn’t even realize she’d fallen asleep. She looked around her and _oh_ -

Billy must have noticed the dirt-road cause the car had been turned around and was now parked next to it. _God_. She didn’t even notice the car moving. He was right; there _were_ lights far down the road getting closer.

_Ah, my unhappy, my unlucky and my poor little girl blue_

_Baby I know how you feel._

She looked at Billy next to her and felt like she had to-like she needed to let him know that-that...that _they were like each other,_ that he wasn’t _alone_ in his loud, _loud_ head.

“ I, uh, I-I think I’m... _happy_.” she told him in stilted speech, looking right in his eyes; he looked caught off guard. “ Are...are _you_?” she questioned him.

He swallowed, throat working visibly, looking around before his eyes settled on a discarded packet of cigarettes on the dashboard; they softened.

“ I’m working on it” he answered gruffly.

The headlights were now much closer and Billy made to get out of the car. “Here” she said, thrusting his jacket towards him, remnants of woodsy cologne and cigarette smoke left behind on her coat. He winked at her and put it on as he climbed out of the car. The headlights hit him straight on, and she was right. _Blond_. His hair was _golden_ now where the light hit them. He was sort of lazily leaning across the front of the car, arms cross and waiting, glancing at her when she went to stand next to him.

“ What the _hell_ are you doing here, kid?!” Jim exclaimed as he approached them, face turning thunderous.

“ Where the _hell_ have _you_ been, Chief?” Billy had shot back before she even had a chance to open her mouth.

“ The hell are you doing with my kid, Hargrove? “ Jim demanded voice booming in the empty road, but before Billy had a chance to reply, she cut in.

“ I heard music.” she stated. Jim turned to look at her with an incredulous expression on his face.

“ And what?! You decided to follow it; _kid_ you _know_ -”

“ You were _late_.” she cut him off before he could get a chance to continue yelling. His teeth clicked as his jaw snapped shut.

“ Kid...” he started.

“ I was listening to music” Billy interrupted “ She heard it, followed it and found me” he told Jim and continued to almost glare at him, staring straight into his eyes. “ She told me her pops was late at work and that she was _all alone_ in a _cabin_ in the _woods_.” he drawled pointedly. “ Figured I’d keep ‘er company.”

Jim looked between the two of them and lifted his hand to rub at his eyes, making a low groan at the back of his throat.

“ You’re killing me kid.” he said looking at her before turning to Billy“ Hargrove.” he started “ain’t your folks missing you?”

“ _Naah_ ” Billy said drawing the word out. “ We, _uh_ , we got a bit _into it_ with my old man. Figured I’d take some space.” he said around a manufactured grin. Jim looked at him a while, a hard look coming down his face and _oh_ -

Oh _, they really were the same weren’t they?_

“ Thanks for staying with her, I guess” Jim said then, gruffly. 

Billy almost seemed surprised for a second, before he schooled his expression back to that lopsided grin.

“ _Anytime_.” he answered and made to get back into his car.

“ Hargrove.” Jim said suddenly and Billy paused, looking back at them. “ You going back home?” he asked.

Billy stared at him and nodded. “ Yeah.” looking at him as if daring him to refute that statement.

Jim coughed. “ Well,, _eghr_ , right. Thanks again. For staying with her.”

“ _My pleasure_ , Chief.” Billy said, giving a two-fingered salute and sending a wink her way before he got back into his car. She let out a giggle and ducked her head as she rushed to get in Jim’s car, while he muttered a long-suffering “Jesus” at the sky, before joining her.

“...Listen Jane-”

“ Happy, Jim.” she cut him off mid-sentence leaving him with his mouth hanging open “ He’s nice. Like him.”

Jim turned his eyes up towards the roof before closing them and heaving a great sigh. “ _Killing me kid_.” he groaned out and Jane gave a little giggle before leaning her head against the window, listening to the two cars and Jim’s breathing, looking at the mirror as Billy’s midnight car went to meet the midnight sky, before closing her eyes as Jim drove them home.

~~~~~~ *** ~~~~~~

It slowly turned into a habit. Listening to music with Billy. Being _quiet_ with him. On nights when Jim was working late. Or on nights he wasn’t. 

Nights when the three of them would sit quietly with each other; music yelling or softly crooning on, while they nursed anger and hurts old and new. Nights when everything was squeaking, squeaking, _squeaking_ and the walls were _closing in_ on her; and Billy’s skin was more midnight-blue than golden, like his car and the cold, unforgiving winter night sky; and Jim’s hands would shake as he paced, pace, _paced_ around going through cigarettes like the smoke would hide them from the monsters. Nights when Jim’s and Billy’s blue-grey eyes would be tinted red around the edges.

And later on, after the dance, the _Snowball_ , where everything was _blue-grey_ and _midnight-blue_ and _silver_ and _Mike had kissed her_ , and Max had told _she_ was _pretty_ ; the dance that Billy had taken them to in his midnight, _roaring_ car, where she had _danced_ and yelled and was _free_. 

After the dance and after Christmas, when February set in and everything was covered in snow, some nights, Billy’s midnight car would pull into the dirt-road and _Steve_ would be in the passenger seat.

And Steve -who was always moving and always checking-double-checking, flattering about, nervous, nervous, _nervous_ , breath short and heartbeat racing- would slowly settle down. To smoke with Billy and Jim, or lie back and sleep while they kept watch.

Or...on the best nights, he would hold her and card his fingers through her hair as she leaned against him while Jim and Billy would trade off _reading_ to them; stories _coming to colour_ with their deep, smoke-gruff voices.

And even later on in Spring, when _Max_ would tumble out of the car too, when everything was brown,yellow, green and _blue-grey_ , everything but Max’s fire-red hair, like a hallo around her head. Max who brought with her different music, and picture-books - _comics!_ \- of Amazons and _little girls blue_ that turned into warriors; who came with a softer, sweeter voice but just as loud. That brought with her eyes _blue-grey_ too but also green in the right light - _sea-green_ Billy would tell her- like the sea she’d never seen up-close but both Max and Billy always thought of, always carried.

Max who brought with her _dancing_.

And then summer came. 

~~~~~~ *** ~~~~~~

It’s winter again.

December 21st, “ _Winter Solstice_ ” Billy told her. Longest, darkest night of the year.

They were watching the sunset on the fields by the road where the forest ended. Where she found Billy that first night. She couldn’t really understand how this could be the longest night. Not when long nights meant, _fireworks_ and _flames_ , _gunshots_ and _glass shuttering_ ; _blood_ and _bruises_. When the boy she loved was _hurting_ her, _dying for_ her, _saving her._ When the girl she loved was _crying_ while their hearts were _breaking_ and all they could do was _hold on_ and _press down_ , _press harder Jane, harder._ When the man she loved, _the man who loved her_ ** _most_** _,_ was burning and falling, falling, _falling_. Long nights filled with _sirens_ and more men in white robes and white rooms and antiseptic. Long, _sleepless_ nights spent waiting in plastic chairs, whispering, hoping, _praying_ for the silver, shiny moon and the midnight-blue dark sky to save them; to let her _keep them_.

The chilly winter breeze hit her face, snapping her back into the present.

A man’s voice was singing softly in the background.

_Oh tell me where your freedom lies_

_The streets are fields that never die._

Max had taken her hand and was swinging them both back and forth, eyes closed. She let go of one of Jane’s hands and spun her around under it.

_Deliver me from reasons why_

_You’d rather cry, I’d rather fly._

She felt like she was _flying_. She was floating, like she would travel up, up, _up_ into the sky to join the midnight blue, mixed with golds and pinks and purples as the sun set.

A larger, rougher, still unbelievably, _warmer_ hand took hers and gave her another twirl. She opened he eyes and the first thing she saw was Max. Looking at her brother with stars in her _blue-grey-green_ - _seagreen_ \- eyes that had to match the ones in her brown ones, as he took her free hand in his and swung and twirled them both around him and underneath his arms.

_A thousand girls, a thousand thrills._

Max was giggling and whooping and she couldn’t help but join in, a shriek escaping from her lips when Billy, suddenly, dipped her low. She wasn’t scared he’d drop her. He was still strong; and his arms were still warm enough, even though the smooth golden of his skin was filled with raised rose-silver lines now. Lines she knew travelled across his arms and ribs and stomach, even though she couldn’t see them. He was just in a sleeveless white undershirt again, unyielding in the face of the biting winter breeze. Sleeveless white undershirt, tight blue jeans and heavy boots like that first night she found him and-and like _that_ night too, when _he_ -

Max was laughing again. She lifted her head, took her eyes off of Billy and looked around, before her gaze settled on the boy leaned on the bumper of their midnight car.

_Steve._

His eyes were soft, but his lips were pursed and his eyebrows were bunch up. He was _frowning_ , she realized; was looking at them dancing, like there was something he was missing. Like he was trying to figure something out. 

She let her mind wonder, let her senses spread, until she could feel the nervous energy of the boy with the soft eyes, softer hands, who’d make cookies with her and who hid snorts at Jim’s bad jokes.

He was still looking at them, but his heart was beating fast. His thoughts were warm. She couldn’t read them but they felt like _Spring_. _Warm_ like the sunshine in May and like the cabin on the nights they’d read together.

He was looking at Billy now and she had to take her eyes off of him for a second when Max twirled her again and she lost her balance, stumbling, before Billy steadied her with a booming laugh and she felt the warmth from before grow _hotter._ She looked back at Steve. Brown met brown and with a start she realized that he was _blushing_ and-

_Oh....oh_

She must have stopped moving cause Billy slowed down and looked at her inquiringly before following her gaze towards Steve who was looking at the ground by his shoes now.

She looked between the two of them, watched as Billy’s expression grew softer, more vulnerable, before setting on something more determined. He took a deep breath, chest rising before he looked down at her and gave her a small smile, letting go of her hand as he started heading for Steve.

Max must have noticed her not moving, because she stopped too, joining her in watching the two boys by the car, hand still holding hers.

“ _Are they_ -” she started, almost in wonder, before Jane cut her off with a hard squeeze of her hand.

“ _Pretty Boy_.” they heard Billy say around a smirk, a friendly, teasing one, not mocking.

“ _You’rereallygoodwiththem_ ” Steve rushed out, catching Billy by surprise, before going back to staring furiously at the ground; face _on fire_.

Billy said something else, too low for them to hear drowned out by the music and the breeze and all the life around them, and Steve responded with a mumble looking at Billy from underneath his eyelashes, head still low and hands worrying some threads at the bottom of his shirt.

“ Come on” Max pulled at her, moving their shoulders and swinging their arms in time with the music.

_I think you know what to do_

_Impossible? Yes, but it’s true._

She looked at Max’s face, sunkissed skin peppered with a million freckles across her nose and cheeks, like the stars in the midnight blue of their sky, lips fallen naturally in a soft smile. She closed her eyes and let Max and the music and the breeze carry her as they danced by the road, gravel crunching underneath their feet. They swayed and then-

_Oohh, oh, oh, ohhhh sit there, hmm, count you fingers_

_What else, what else is there to do?_

Her eyes snapped open as the woman’s whining, loud, _free_ voice echoed around them, bringing her back to that night, that first night almost a year ago when she heard it first. When she was alone in the dark, cold, _squeaking_ cabin. When she followed it and found a boy that was like _her_.

She looked for Billy cause that was **_their_** -

_Oh,_

_oh_ , she found _him_.

She heard Max draw a sharp breath but she couldn’t look away from them. Billy was pulling away from Steve, head leaning back, soft smile on his face and he-they _-they_ must have _kissed_. They must have _just kissed_ ; and Steve was _clutching_ at Billy, one hand on his hip, one wrapped around the wrist of the scarred hand that was framing his face, thumb slowly drawing circles at the corner of his jaw; and he was looking at him with such, such _wonder._

Such _love_.

And she couldn’t hold the smile back even if she tried, so she didn’t, yelled instead-

**“** _**Billy!”** _

He turned to look at her, hands never once leaving Steve.

“ _It’s our song_ ” She stressed out with excited urgency.

He frowned for a moment, dark eyebrows coming together, before his expression cleared as he tuned back into the world around him. The world outside of Steve’s soft lips and softer smile.

_Oh, sit there, oh sit there, honey, ohh_

_I know what else, what else_

_Honey you’ve got to do._

He looked at her and smiled, extending an arm out as he made his way towards her, other arm trailing behind him as he pulled Steve along.

He reached them, and she burrowed in his side, as his arm settled around her shoulders, reaching for Max, who was glued to her other side, and they settled, all four of them, with Billy’s arms around them -t _heir arms around him_ \- to watch, as the last sliver of burning golden sun disappeared, giving way to their midnight _blue-grey_ night sky.

_Blue-grey_ like the ribbon in the key-chain still hanging from her neck, like Billy’s eyes as the light hit them.

_I want you to count, oh, count your little fingers_

_Aah, ah my unhappy, my unlucky, and my poor little girl blue._

It came back to her suddenly and the need to know overwelmed her.

“ Billy?” she whispered

“ Hmm?” he hummed back just as quietly.

“ _I’m happy_.” she told him softly and his _blue-grey_ shinning eyes snapped to hers; and he must have remembered.

“ Are... _are you_?” she asked him, again, slowly.

He looked at her, eyes searching her face, before leaving it to look at Max who was smiling at him with _all_ her teeth, face dusted golden with the last of the light; before he turned his head slightly to the side to look down at Steve’s face, cheek resting against his collarbone, hand still holding onto the wrist of the arm wrapped around his shoulders; smiling.

He breathed out, looked at the now sunless _blue-grey_ horizon and then back down at her, before slowly letting his eyes fall closed, arms drawing them _nearer_.

He breathed in.

Whispered.

_“ Yes”_

_Have you seen her all in gold?_

_Like a queen in days of old_

_She shoots colours all around_

_Like a sunset going down_

_Have you seen a lady fairer?_

_She comes in colours everywhere_

_She’s like a_ **_rainbow_ ** _._

_~~~~~~ *** ~~~~~~_

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no idea how this went this way. It just happened.  
> Stay safe loves!  
> I really hope you enjoyed!!!!
> 
> Remember comments give me life!!
> 
> Talk to me darlings I'm stuck at home  
> I'm tiggermay on tumblr  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/tiggermay


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